This morning with coffee, scarf and leather gloves, moving in same direction to same destination…
I felt as if I was going to cry. You know the sensation. Your stomach is suddenly in your throat.
I traced my thoughts …
“What should I post on my blog?”
“Was that puke on the sidewalk?”
“I want to write about that person, no too dangerous too much drama”
“These jeans feel tight”
“I wish I wasn’t insecure”
“Was that a drug deal?”
The thoughts went on. I thought about why I started blogging.
I quit my job. Good decision. Job was hell. Life has improved tremendously. I am broke. I started fostering teeny tiny motherless kittens. Lots of poop and lots of wildly tender kitten love.
I started drawing. My husband encouraged me to draw. He encouraged me to blog. Number one fan.
I thought bloggers were weird. Desperate for attention. Embarrassed to join the order of the publicly needy, I searched for bloggers possessing a restraint against utter self-indulgence. They weren’t hard to find. I even found blogs I indentified with. Shocking.
http://lolaisbeauty.blogspot.com/, http://cheramibird.blogspot.com/, http://www.smosch.com/, http://scout-holiday.com/blog/, http://campcomfort.blogspot.com/, http://kindraishere.blogspot.com/, etc.
I thought about people. My mom and her pirated inheritance. She took what wasn’t hers to take and ran. Disappointing but expected. She’s just doing what she’s always done.
And then, a thought I have quite often rethought itself. People are both incomprehensible and predictable. The conversation with my husband last night, we talked about people that believe they’ve got all the answers to the biggest unknown questions about life. Really? Because nobody knows. I mean nobody really knows, right? It gets personal when they think their answers should be mine (or ours).
I laughed when I pictured myself giving unsolicited advice. Lecturing, pontificating, or “challenging” as some folks I know like to call it.
The thought was both gross and hysterically funny.
Me? I barely get life for me. And I’ve been hanging with me for thirty years.
Self-righteous people make me itchy.
But I judge (superficially and morally).
I even take pleasure in predicting the next thing (certain) people are going to do or say. I think a lot of people are boring.
So what’s the difference? Does my judgment equal the weight of theirs? Would we balance the scales?
My brain scrambling up thoughts about right vs. wrong, finger pointing and blame. Yuck. I dislike the finger pointing game. It’s endless. A trap.
I stood waiting for the light to turn.
Nothing new entering my mind, nothing different walking home.
I unlocked the gate knowing I would continue to hangout with people who value what I value. Originality, introspection, equality …. just in case you were wondering 
.
I will do what I love and hope others are choosing to do the same.
In the deepest most stable part of my heart.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
Thanks for dropping by so I could find you… your drawings are hilarious! And who wouldn’t try to sidestep the metaphorical sidewalk puke of life?
In other words, I feel ya.
It is refreshing to read such a post. I’ve been lost in the world of craft blogs and in the midst have only really written about the very top layers of my life. I was reading my old blogs which were more personal and not written for an audience, those are the precious reads!
The one at the podium looks like some preacher! electric shocks! its funny…
Wow. That was a tremendous bit of writing and drawing. I was engaged immediately – wondering where I would end-up. Your candor is appreciated and strangely familiar. Glad your husband encouraged you….
Lovely drawings and a day-to-day life experience!
Great train of thoughts. Keep your chin up. Good luck with all the kitties. I’ve done that. Lots of poop is an understatement.