Balthazar the bear held the sheepish Gracie close to him and said, “When you wake in the morning, I will be gone.”

“Where will the morning take you?” Gracie asked.

“Into the unknown.” His voice, deep and hollow, echoed off the sky. “I have adventure running through my veins.”

Balthazar breathed the night air into his lungs and confessed, “My heart is a hunter.”

Gracie’s eyes smiled as she whispered, “You are filled to the brim with wild tenderness. Follow your heart and I will be here for you, always.”

Tender as a Kitten Award goes to …… drumroll….. “Don’t think they get cuter than this” by http://www.grrrwl.com/ 

Scary Photo / Last Minute Gag for the Camera Award goes to “Don’t Play with Your Food” http://www.myfunnyeye.blogspot.com

My Favorite Look Award goes to www.sexypeople-blog.com 

Chuck

And the runner ups are …

Sandy

Wayne and Jeffrey

Illustration, It’s Not Just for Kids Award goes Sticks at Hamptone’s shop on Etsy.com.

ttp://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7125446

Finally, A President Willing to Get Dirty Award goes to the Barack Obama! By dirty I mean “with dirt” sorry Clinton no awards for naughty/dirty behavior.

To read more about Michelle and President Obama’s garden at the White House, read more on http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/dining/20garden.html

Guilty Pleasure Award goes to “Michael Jackson’s Mansion filled with statues of young boys, GET OUT!” written by the http://thesuperficial.com

“Here’s a sample of some of the various works of art on the 2,952 item list: “boy with accordion,” “boy sitting on bricks,” “boy w/ baton and hat w/ feathers,” “two boys on swing bar,” “two boys with ladder,” “boys sleeping on bench,” ” boys milking goat,” “boy on a toy car with girl,” “boy pulling, 2 boys on a bike,” “boy lifting girl,” “2 boys sitting on a sunflower,” “little boy with turquoise overalls on a stand,” “bronze boy and girl hugging,” “bronze boy carrying a fruit basket,” “boys catching fish.” And it goes on and on and on and on ….”

Here is the link because, if you are anything like me, you will want to read this article http://thesuperficial.com/2009/03/michael_jacksons_mansion_fille.php

The past few months I’ve been working at Apple on the Places feature of iPhoto, http://www.apple.com/ilife/iphoto/#places .

One of fascinating aspects of this project, was getting the opportunity to expand my geographical knowledge,

as well as being exposed to unusual tourists attractions people might like to take pictures at. I never knew this places existed!

Here are a few touristy places that even though they are odd, people enjoy visiting them.

1) Leila’s Hair Museum – all of the framed wreath objects in the picture below are made out of human hair! Ew, serious gag reflex!

Leila's Hair Museum

If you would like more information on this Missouri attraction, check out  http://shorttage.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html

2) Sedlec Ossuary – known for having a massive chandelier made of human bones which, not surprising, was featured in Dungeons and Dragons the movie.

Sedlec Ossuary

For more information on this Czech attraction, click on http://www.travelpod.com/travel-photo/trent/europe-2005/1128961320/sedlec_kostnice_x31x.jpg/tpod.html

3) National Museum of Funeral History – this is a direct quote from their website, “The collection of coffins represents the single largest assemblage of fantasy coffins outside of Ghana.”   Not only was I surprised that Ghana has the largest collection of fantasy coffins in the world, I was also surprised that someone’s idea for a fantasy coffin is a giant chicken.

Ghanaian Fantasy Coffin - Chicken

For more information on this Houston attraction, check out http://www.nmfh.org/exhibits/fantasy/index.html.

4) Wannado City – is an indoor theme park giving children the opportunity to try out a wide variety of professions.  Here are a few of the jobs children are lucky enough to get the opporunity to try out At Wannado: Bailiff, Supermarket Stockperson, Bank Customer (that’s not a job!), Anestheologist, Boom Operator, Wardrobe (I hope they are referring to a Wardrobe Designer because they just typed Wardrobe) and, my personal favorite, Witness.

Where kids can do what they Wannado!

So if you feel like spending $30 a person to watch kids witness something or stock supermarket shelves then check out http://www.wannadocity.com/kids.php .

Unfotunately, I never received permission to add the Neverland Ranch to Apple’s database, sorry MJ.

Speaking of amusing and strange Apple related stories, did anyone see Woz do the worm on national tv?  I love that guy!  Let’s just hope he beats that bunny!

Inspired by the previous post:

The Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz, Oh what a relief it is Alka Seltzer Snow Globe.  It defies gravity. Is the snowing falling down or bubbling up?

The “Can you smell me now?” Verizon Cologne made for the everyday white middle aged man.

The O.J. Simpson monogrammed towel set.  For drying off and cleaning up.

Two weeks ago, I was informed the In-Laws arrive Saturday the 13th.

Mother and Father-in-law, that is.

Spending the weekend in San Francisco.

Time to paint the walls, go on that juice-fast-starvation diet, bleach teeth, and wear facial masks every night.

Oh and my roots need color and the Ikea shelves need to be hung.

Time was against me. Total home and body makeover not gunna happen.

Plan B: hide imperfections

Google search…

“Fashion curvy body”

“Home Improvement without spending money”

“Hairdos to hide roots”

Sorry Google but the results were pretty lame.

But honestly Google it wasn’t your fault. I wanted miracles.

Plan C: Shower them with gifts

One look at my bank account and this plan ended.

Plan D: Since perfection is impossible,

and you are too poor to buy love,

and hiding is not only time consuming but somethings are just too obvious to hide,

how about just be yourself and clean up your place.  Cleaning is good and myself is good. Plan D, doable.

I resigned to the path of sanity.

Reality asked to be accepted.  This once, I said okay.

And now I just want to have some fun.

In celebration of family, I present you with the following Etsy finds:

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=76204

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=4574

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5030155

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6155794

Maybe your parents were happily married, or maybe your Mom watched a lot of t.v. to escape from her loveless marriage.  And maybe you knew where to find her, based on the day of week and time of day.  Maybe, like me, your Mom had crushes on men with big hair.  And maybe your Dad was just a little too square.

MacGyver & The Hoff

Magnum P.I.

Neil Diamond

The illustration with a smirk award goes to: “The Atlantic : Obama’s Tech-Savvy Campaign” illustrated by http://www.patrick-leger.com/

My favorite look award goes to “Dos and Don’ts” from www.viceland.com

The tender as a kitten award goes to: “Could Be An Organ Donor” from http://www.patrickmoberg.com/

The guilty pleasure award goes to “Jack Black as Jesus” in Prop 8 the Musical from http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508

My favorite revenge post goes to “Dear Coworker, you ate a cheeseburger again today” from http://www.thelilbee.com/

I know this because I sit in close proximity to you, and because my desk is adjacent to the men’s bathroom …. to read more go to www.thelilbee.com

The creepy photo award goes to:  “Dolly Death Camp” (a.ka. Chucky’s Grandchild) from http://149sullivanstreet.blogspot.com/

The totally addictive with possibly no side effects award goes to “Post Secret” at http://postsecret.blogspot.com.

The don’t tell me that after the last few years of individuating, rebelling and freaking out you still don’t have a mind of your own award goes to Britney Spears courtesy of the http://thesuperficial.com .

From Britney’s recent tour

From Madonna’s Recent Tour